5 steps to handle defensiveness without losing yourself

When defensiveness shows up and it will, you have a choice:

• React, apologize, or over-explain (and lose your voice), OR
• Stay steady and lead through it.

Here’s the 5-step reset I teach inside Empowered COO for exactly these moments:

Step 1: Ground yourself first.
Pause. Breathe. Ask yourself: What’s mine, and what’s theirs?

 This simple pause helps you remember — their reaction is about their wiring, not your worth.

Step 2: Name what’s happening — calmly and directly.
"I’m noticing we’ve shifted from solving the issue to defending our positions. Let’s reset."

 When you name the shift out loud, you disrupt the emotional spiral — and create space for both of you to come back to the real issue.

Step 3: Speak their language — without losing your own.
Visionaries care about speed, autonomy, and winning, so say:
"Clarifying this now helps us move faster later — and protects the bigger vision."

Step 4: Follow up in writing — always.
Visionaries process fast, and they often rewrite history unintentionally. After tough conversations, send a quick recap:
"Just to keep us aligned, here’s what we discussed and agreed to."

Step 5: Repeat as needed

because you’re not there to absorb, you’re there to lead alongside.

This isn’t about controlling your Visionary.
It’s about protecting the partnership and the vision — by holding your ground and your clarity.