Are You Helping—or Pre-Empting?

I’ve been reflecting on something that showed up for me personally—but it applies to every Integrator I’ve ever worked with.

When you’re the Second-in-Command, you’re trained to think ahead.
To predict what might go wrong and stop it from happening.
You’re used to being the one who smooths the path so others can walk it.

But at some point, that instinct to protect starts to backfire.

Instead of empowering the people around you, you start shielding them.
You soften the blow, explain away their messes, anticipate needs before they’re spoken.

It feels like responsibility.
But often, it’s a form of quiet control.

As a mom, a wife, and a coach, I want the best for the people I care about.
I want my clients to thrive.
I want my kids to avoid pain.
I want my husband to feel supported.

But I’ve noticed this pattern in myself:

• I jump ahead.

• I pre-empt the hard moments.

• I soften the consequences.

• I “translate” for people.

• I explain things that weren’t mine to explain.

• I rescue people from discomfort they needed to feel.

  And I’ve realized… it’s not always helpful.
  Sometimes it’s controlling.
  And most of all, it robs people of the lessons they’re meant to learn.

  In a business context, it might look like:

  • Apologizing on behalf of your Visionary in meetings

  • Over-explaining a misstep to protect team morale

  • Smoothing communication instead of holding the line

  • Fixing a problem before you’ve even voiced it

  To you, it feels like leadership.
  But to others—especially your Visionary—it can start to look like a need for control.

  And that’s when the real confusion begins:
  You're trying to protect the relationship, but your efforts start to chip away at it instead.
  They feel stifled. You feel misunderstood. And no one is actually growing.

  The truth is, we can't empower others when we’re constantly trying to protect them.
  We can't lead with clarity when we're tangled in over-responsibility.
  And we definitely can’t model trust if we’re quietly afraid things will fall apart without us.

  But the good news?
  You can unlearn this.
  You can lead from your center instead of from the shadows.
  You can shift from hyper-vigilance to true empowerment.

   And when you do, your energy changes.

  The team shifts.
  Your Visionary meets you in a new way.
  And now—you finally get to have a true partnership.
  One built on trust, not silent compensation.

  Curious where you fall on the caretaking vs. empowerment continuum?
  Take my free assessment: www.empoweredcoo.com/assessment